Children and the dead
It was an inevitable question, writes Brian Byrne.
"Should children be allowed to see a close family member who has died, such as at a wake?"
The answer from writer and broadcaster Christy Kenneally, speaking at his recent talk organised by the Kilcullen Bethany Bereavement Support Group, was 'yes, if they want to'.
"But in that kind of situation, they should always be accompanied by an adult," he emphasised during his presentation in the Town Hall Theatre. "It should be somebody whom the child trusts, someone who can hold their hand during the process. Think of it as 'earthing' them in the situation."
Christy also made it clear that the child should be prepared for the encounter, including making them aware that the deceased person will be cold.
"But I would question the idea that a child should be encouraged to touch the dead person, or kiss them," he added. "And they should never be pushed into the room. Space is very important to children and they should be allowed to approach the coffin or the bed in their own time."
Christy suggested that including the children in the wake proceedings is important psychologically, especially when the deceased is a parent. "Don't send them to bed. With the extended family around, the child gets the idea that he or she 'belongs' to all the relatives. And they also get the chance to talk to them about their mammy or daddy. They get to hear stories about them. It's important that a child learns the human things about a dead parent."
Earlier in the evening, Christy had delved through many aspects of the bereavement and grieving processes. About 35 people attended.
(Pictured above at the event are Siobhan Murphy, Adrienne Murphy, Christy Kenneally, Mary Dillon, Mary Phelan and Maureen Downey. Another article from this meeting is published in the current issue of the Kildare Nationalist.)
"Should children be allowed to see a close family member who has died, such as at a wake?"
The answer from writer and broadcaster Christy Kenneally, speaking at his recent talk organised by the Kilcullen Bethany Bereavement Support Group, was 'yes, if they want to'.
"But in that kind of situation, they should always be accompanied by an adult," he emphasised during his presentation in the Town Hall Theatre. "It should be somebody whom the child trusts, someone who can hold their hand during the process. Think of it as 'earthing' them in the situation."
Christy also made it clear that the child should be prepared for the encounter, including making them aware that the deceased person will be cold.
"But I would question the idea that a child should be encouraged to touch the dead person, or kiss them," he added. "And they should never be pushed into the room. Space is very important to children and they should be allowed to approach the coffin or the bed in their own time."
Christy suggested that including the children in the wake proceedings is important psychologically, especially when the deceased is a parent. "Don't send them to bed. With the extended family around, the child gets the idea that he or she 'belongs' to all the relatives. And they also get the chance to talk to them about their mammy or daddy. They get to hear stories about them. It's important that a child learns the human things about a dead parent."
Earlier in the evening, Christy had delved through many aspects of the bereavement and grieving processes. About 35 people attended.
(Pictured above at the event are Siobhan Murphy, Adrienne Murphy, Christy Kenneally, Mary Dillon, Mary Phelan and Maureen Downey. Another article from this meeting is published in the current issue of the Kildare Nationalist.)
